Sunday, September 11, 2005

Chicken Run.

This past months have been a terrible for my family. You see we live on a quiet, rural highway. However, the traffic has slowly been building up at an alarming rate. It became so heavy and so fast, in fact, that my chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day for several weeks. So I called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these tourists driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.""What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff."I don't care, just do something about these drivers."So the next day the sheriff had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later, with no real change, I again called the sheriff and said, "That sign didn't help a bit. They are still hitting my chickens."So the next day, the county put up a sign that said: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY. Again, no change. So I called and called, every day for three more weeks. Finally, I told the sheriff, "Look, your signs are just not working. Mind if I put up one of my own?" The sheriff told me, "Sure thing, let's see if yours works better." He was willing to agree to anything to get me to stop the daily calls. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from me for a while and wanted to follow up with me on the situation. After three weeks, he decided to call me and see how things were going. "Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since. I've got to go. I'm very busy, planting season you know." And I hung up the phone. The sheriff said he thought to himself, "I'd better go have a look at that sign. There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers... "So the sheriff said he drove out to the my house, and he saw the sign I put up despite the stern words against it from the Parson. It was on a whole sheet of plywood. I wrote in large, yellow letters the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.